Excuse me, but I would like to exchange my life...

That is how I feel right now. That and exhausted. My throat is soar from yelling at my son to clean his room. My kids' rooms are a mess which is reflective of how I feel. The last 3 week-ends have been extremely busy. This past week-end we were at a wedding. Scott's parents came over to watch the kids while we enjoyed ourselves. Scott's mom once again helped the kids clean their rooms. So their rooms were beautiful on Saturday evening. It didn't take long for them to get right back to their messy state. I get so damn frustrated and aggravated. Why is it that my children who claim to love me respect Grandma more? Why is it when she asks them to put something away, they do it w/out question or hesitation? Why is it that when Scott gets the same reaction that I get, does he say "I don't know what to tell you" when I ask him how to get them to clean up? Why is it that they can clean up the toys they play with at school, at friend's house, basically anywhere but at home? I start out by stating lets get their rooms clean - nicely, in a sweet voice, with a please at the end. I then walk in on them making a bigger mess or watching tv in one of their bedrooms. It gets my blood pumping. I calmly turn off the tv and remind them that I asked them to do something. I get "its too much" from Mason and "how come I have to do everything around here" with a HUGE attitude from Courtney. To say it pisses me off is an understatement. I've had tremendous headaches the last few weeks and I must say it stems from this sense of stress in my household. I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! Just once I wish my family could do one thing that was asked of them the first time. Add to it little to no support from my husband, just adds fuel to the fire. Courtney was saying something about a boy in her class doing better than she and we explained to her that there will always people who do things better than you and those who do things worse than you. Its just a fact of life. Courtney asked Scott what he did better than me. His response: dinner, laundry, housecleaning, sports. She asked what I did better - his response: I can't think of anything. Then chuckled when questioned why he couldn't think of anything. I told him that his comment not only made me look inferior in our children's eyes, but apparently I am inferior in his as well. The response I got - Sorry, I just can't think of anything. He then proceeded to not understand why I was upset! If I am so damn inferior that what the hell is he doing with me? I am sure there is a woman out there who would be a better match for him. I truly think that was the straw that broke me. Its bad enough that I have periods of low self-esteem (I've been dealing with that my whole life), but have someone who you love and so close to you affirm that feeling is just heartbreaking. I know I have good qualities, maybe even great, but that comment just shattered me, and I am not sure how to put the pieces together again. So I guess I will continue with my medioacracy (not sure if I am spelling that correctly, but you get the idea) life where my children don't listen and my husband feels superior. The worse part about all of this is that I know people have bigger issues on their plate. A dear friend who I was reunited with recently had been going through difficult times and I deeply felt for her. I wanted so badly to take her pain away. But, being the amazing person that she is, she fought her own battle and is still fighting, but she is making her way out. I know that my issues are small in comparison, but in this household of ours, it is pouring out the seams.

Need to pick up my daughter at the bus stop. Until next time...